If They Have Hey Caviar in the Fridge, Marry Them
Dating in 2025 is basically an emotional escape room.
You’re navigating love languages, shared calendars, ex drama, and at least one person who still doesn’t know what they want.
So, when you finally go back to someone’s place and open their fridge, it’s not just a fridge.
It’s a psychological assessment.
A curated museum of their lifestyle, hygiene, and emotional availability.
And guess what?
If there’s Hey Caviar in there, that’s not a snack. It’s a green flag the size of a Birkin.
Be the Green Flag - Shop Hey CaviarGreen Flag: Cold Jar. Warmer Heart.
If someone keeps caviar in their fridge, a few things are immediately true:
- They indulge on a weekday.
- They love to spoon.
- They’re either emotionally healed, or too damaged to care, and honestly, both work.
🚩 Red Flag
Shelf of sauces. No actual food.
He’s been “meaning to get groceries” since March. He’s not nurturing, he’s stalling. Run.
🚩 Red Flag
Six IPAs and a pack of American cheese singles.
This is not a man. This is a live-in Best Buy employee.
🟢 Green Flag
Caviar next to almond milk and a very intentional lemon.
This person has layers. Probably journals. Definitely smells good. Possibly has money.
🚩 Red Flag
Unlabeled Tupperware that “might be rice.”
This is how rom-coms become true crime.
🟢 Green Flag
Jar of Hey Caviar tucked behind something artisanal.
They don’t flex, they reward. This is someone who will touch you like a French film and text back in full sentences.
💥 Upgrade Your Fridge Game🚩 Red Flag
Nothing but energy drinks.
This person will ghost you and ask you to Venmo for the Uber in the same hour.
🟢 Green Flag
Caviar + ice pack + nothing else.
Minimalism? Or chaos? Either way, it’s a good time.
Bonus: Fridge-Specific Love Languages
Words of affirmation: “I saved the last spoonful for you.”
Acts of service: The jar is open. The chip is waiting. The light hits just right.
Quality time: You, them, and a snack that whispers “It’s okay to be a little toxic if you taste this good.”
TL;DR: Fridge Doesn’t Lie
The toothpaste may be staged. The playlist may be manipulative. But the fridge?
That’s the truth.
So next time you’re wondering if someone is emotionally available, just do one thing:
Open the fridge.
If you see a cold jar of Hey Caviar in there?
That’s not a snack. That’s a soulmate.
Want to impress your date and yourself?
Stock your fridge with something that says “I’m emotionally available... and salty.”