How to Eat Caviar

How to Eat Caviar Like You Weren’t Raised on String Cheese

So, you bought caviar. Bold of you.

Now you’re staring at a chilled jar like it just whispered, “Prove you belong here.”
Relax. This isn’t the royal court. It’s your kitchen. Possibly your bed.
And if you’re here, you already belong.

Let’s walk you through how to eat caviar, without Googling it in private like you’re hiding something.

Step 1 : Don’t Overthink It

Yes, it’s fancy. But not that fancy.
Caviar is salt, fat, texture, and a little bit of drama. It’s not a sacred ritual. It’s a snack. An experience. A flex. A lifestyle (for some.) 

You don’t need white gloves and a sommelier. You need a clean pearl spoon and a little confidence. Speaking of spoons…

Step 2 : Use the Right Spoon (Yes, It Matters)

No metal. Ever.
Metal messes with the flavor. Science, don’t ask.

Use:

  • Mother of pearl
  • Horn
  • Gold (if you're unwell and wealthy)
  • Plastic (if you don’t care about the environment)

If you only have metal, use your fingers.

Step 3: Keep It Cold

Caviar likes to be the coldest thing in the room, besides your mother-in-law. Pop the jar in the fridge until you’re ready. Serve over ice if you’re feeling theatrical. If you're eating it on the couch in sweats with a tiara? Same rules apply.

Step 4: What to Eat It With (Besides Your Feelings)

Let’s keep it simple. You don’t need to build a tasting menu. You just need vehicles:

  • Blini (if you're playing the long game)
  • Toast points (if you're pretending this is a Gatsby party)
  • Kettle chips (if you’re emotionally stable and honest)
  • A Pop Tart (if you're in your villain era)

Optional friends:

  • Crème fraîche
  • Chives
  • Soft-boiled egg
  • Champagne (or tap water in a flute - do you)

Step 5: Take the Bite. Don’t Apologize.

Here’s the real etiquette:
Don’t explain your caviar. Don’t apologize for it. Don’t say “I know it’s kind of extra.”
It is extra. And that’s the point.

Place it on your cracker, chip, or the top of your hand. (Caviar bump - google it.) Take the bite. Let it pop. Pretend you’re unfazed. You just ate the ocean’s trust fund.

Step 6: Act Like You’ve Done This Before

Even if this is your first time, don’t panic. Do what the rich do when they’re confused:
nod slowly and fake confidence.

Try one of these phrases between bites:

  • “This one’s buttery with a clean finish.”
  • “It’s giving brine and generational wealth.”
  • “I could eat this alone in the dark and still feel powerful.”

Final Thoughts: You Belong Here

Caviar isn’t reserved for trust funders whose safe word is CRYPTO, or heiresses with slow blinks.
It’s for you. The person eating a luxury sea snack while streaming trash reality TV, while texting.

You don’t need a lesson in etiquette. You need a jar of Hey Caviar and slightly unhinged taste.

So go on.
Eat it wrong.
Lick the spoon.
Post the jar.
Be the scandal you want to see in the world.

Want to feel 1% more unbothered on a Tuesday night?
Eat the riches right here and join the delicious delusion.

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  • © 2025 Hey Caviar
  • Shipping & Return Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Home
  • Shop
  • Our Origin Story
  • Health Benefits
  • FAQ
  • Blog
  • Contact Us

© 2025 Hey Caviar

Shipping & Return Policy

Privacy Policy

Terms and Conditions